NOT BOX BROWNIES!!!!!

"MOM!!!???"  Jack yells to me from the kitchen, "YOU MADE BROWNIES WITH BOX MIX???!!!!  WHY???!!!!!"

Ok, it's official.  The children are addicted to natural food.  The heck with preservatives.  They look at labels and say things like "Why do I need propylene glycol monoesters in my brownies?  What EXACTLY does that DO???"  or "If I can't pronounce it, should I really be eating it???"

So now I make brownies from scratch.  Much like sewing or knitting, you don't bake things from scratch to save money.  In fact, with the cost of eggs and butter, it ends up costing more to make things from whole, natural ingredients than tossing a box of mix in the KitchenAid with 2 eggs and 1/2 a cup of oil.  But holy cow, the results are AMAZING.  It usually takes me about 4 times to get a recipe where I like it, adjusting the amount of butter, or cooking time, or finding just the right pan.

But here are "Jack's Brownies".

1 cup butter, softened
1 1/4 cups sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 cup milk
nuts if you like them (ICK)


1. Preheat over to 350.  (325 if you have the snazzy Pampered Chef pan that I am in <3 with)

2. Whip softened butter in your KitchenAid, add sugar and cocoa until blended.  Be CAREFUL when you add the cocoa.  If your mixer is on anything other than STIR, it will send a cloud of cocoa across the kitchen, the likes of which have not been seen since Hiroshima.

3. Add eggs and vanilla, mix until blended.  Add baking soda and baking powder. Some recipes tell you to mix this in a separate bowl.  I say why get more things dirty than necessary???

4.  Add flour and milk alternately a little at a time.  Add all the milk at once= sloppy mess.  Restrain yourself.

5.  Pour batter into a greased * AWESOME PAMPERED CHEF BROWNIE PAN*. No, I don't sell PC.  I should.  I love their really expensive stuff. I suppose you can just pour it into a 15 x 10 x 1 inch pan as well. It just won't be as pretty and symmetrical. Bake for 18 minutes (at 350) or 24 minutes (at 325).

At this point, make yourself a cup of coffee, catch up on email, facebook.  Maybe even fold a load of laundry.  Do something productive so that when these come out of the oven, you feel deserving of the delicious morsel you are about to eat.

You may want to get fancy.  You can even frost these if you want, get crazy with sprinkles and whipped cream...hey, whatever your feeling, go with it. Unfortunately in our house, there is a line forming when these come out of the oven. The timer on the oven is more of a "countdown to caloric chocolate chaos".  Nate usually "offers" to help take them out of the pan when they're still hot , and the kids fight over who gets which one.  After Nate and the kids and their friends all get one there is only one thing left for me.

DISHES.

A Thanksgiving tradition....Aebleskivers

Ah.....

A mere two days until Thanksgiving.  I am not sure that we as Americans need a holiday that does nothing more than celebrate food and laziness. However, it is followed by the real holiday where we wake up early and run from place to place, ready to run over our fellow competitors in order to win trinkets. I call this a triathlon.  Others call it BLACK FRIDAY.

"So.  What are you bringing?"  This was the question my mother asked me.  Coming from 3 1/2 hours away, this rules out most items.  I figured I'd eat her food and give her some cash for feeding us all for a couple of days. Apparently, she had other plans.  I now have a list of items which I will be cooking today.  The Twinkie Casserole, of course, will be brought by my cousin Lin.  My Aunt will be bringing "slimy sticks", also known as finger dumplings.

Me?  I am bringing Aebleskivers.  Now mind you, these are not a make ahead item.  I am bringing all the ingredients to make Danish pancakes on Thanksgiving morning, because my sister wants them.  And she is pregnant.  So she will get them.  Even though we are not, in fact, Danish. We are Irish, German and Lithuanian....about as far from the Danish as possible.  So today I am doing a run through on the neighborhood kids, as I just received my Aebleskiver pan in the mail (yes, this recipe requires it's own EQUIPMENT) and need to test and season it. 

It isn't a hard recipe, and looks a lot like pancakes.  It's just tricky in that one of your pieces of equipment is A KNITTING NEEDLE.  No, I am not making this up.  I will demonstrate as I go.

This follows my "happiness in recipes" rule of no more than seven ingredients.  I'm happy because there is less mess, less clean up, and less crap that you don't need in your food.  You need 2 cups of flour, 1 tsp of salt, 1 tsp of baking soda, 2 cups of buttermilk and three eggs.  Also oil for cooking and powdered sugar for, well, powdering....

Separate eggs.  Whip whites til they form peaks.  In another bowl, mix all the other stuff, then turn it into your egg whites.  It makes a really nice, fluffy batter.  

Get out your aebleskiver pan, set it on your stove on medium heat, and put a little oil in each well.  Don't get the oil too hot or your aebleskivers will burn :(  that was batch #1. 

Fill each well 2/3 of the way with batter and let cook for about 45 seconds. 

Using a metal knitting needle, run the needle around the outside of each cake, then jab the cake and flip it over. 

Let the other side cook for about 45 seconds as well.  To remove from pan, jab again again with the knitting needle like you are getting a free sample of cheese at a Farmer's Market.  Jab like you mean it.  Set on a plate, cover with powdered sugar and enjoy :)

You can also add things to the aebleskviver- in fact, "aeble" means apple, because these originally had apples inside of them.  I like to add a small, thin slice of honeycrisp apples...the only difference is to fill the well 1/3 with batter, then add the apple, then cover with batter.  These are AMAZING.

For kids, you can add jams or chocolate, but they find it is easier and less messy to simply cover the plate of pancakes with cool whip and chocolate. For special occasions, sprinkles may be an order.

And of course, I was met with the "Geez.  Can't you be a NORMAL mom and just make pancakes????"  I get no respect. 

Off to make the honey-wheat raisin walnut bread, pretzel bread, and shortbread cookies, each of which will be hoarded by a different family member, hoping to hold out until I come back at Christmas....

Twinkie's last stand......a SECRET family recipe....

TWINKIE CASSEROLE.  I am really not certain how this recipe came to be a guarded secret in our family. Actually, i am not certain how this got to be a recipe at all, but I am guessing it took place in a household, not so different from your house or mine, and the conversation went like this...

KID: Mom.  We have a concert tonight at 630.  And we are supposed to bring a snack to share.
MOM: "$#@* it's already 6:00!!!  And I don't go to the store til tomorrow.  What can I make? 

(mother checks the cupboard, but, like old Mother Hubbard, her cupboards are bare)

MOM: All I have is this box of twinkies, some vanilla pudding and some old candybars left over from Halloween.
KID:  Gosh, if we only had some Cool Whip....
MOM: We DO!  
KID:  All is saved, mom.  I have an idea......


And this is how the Twinkie Casserole was born.  I have taken this everywhere- from snotty New Year's Eve parties where people are wearing sparkly, low cut dresses; to my den, with a spoon for me and my husband.  I have had to hide it from the children.  I have had to hide it from adults.  Yeah, it's that good.  But I can't share the recipe, because then people would call it by it's true name "I ran outta time to think about your party and threw some stuff together and sprinkled it with crack" casserole.

This is a photo recipe, because otherwise I could write it in one sentence.

Tear open plastic wrapper.  Teeth work well. Cut the Twinkie in half, separating the top from the bottom.

Line the bottom of a 9 x 13 pan with Twinkie bottoms.

Make up a batch of instant vanilla pudding.  Pour it over the top of the Twinkies.

Sprinkle Health bar bits over the top of this layer.

Place the Twinkie "tops" in a layer over the pudding.

Cover with Cool Whip.

Sprinkle with the rest of the Heath Bits.

Wear your favorite 1950's apron and SERVE IT UP.  

(honestly though, let it sit in the fridge for about 2 hours for BEST results.  

But if the meeting/concert/event is immediately, you'll be ok)

My daughter walked in while I was making this and, honest to God, asked "are we having company tonight?"  Nothing apparently says "fancy, special dinner" quite as well as Twinkie Casserole.  

ENJOY.  I'm going to hide mine in the basement fridge......

Panera Bread......or my trip to the ER.

So, my wonderful friend Debbie brought me a new book.  Actually two.  Today, I really do NOT feel like doing anything, although there is a lot to do (finish winterizing the gardens, yuck) so I figured, "I think I will read these books.

They are, of course, bread cookbooks.  I decided on making a nice Sour Dough bread with the starter recipe in the Panera Bread Cookbook, until I read these words: let ferment 12 hours.

TWELVE HOURS???  I could be in CHINA by the time this fermentation is complete!  I could have run not one but TWO entire Ironman triathlons!  I could drive to the East Coast (well, if Nate was in the driver's seat, we'd likely be in roughly Ohio) or have repainted my kitchen!  But for a loaf of bread?  Maybe tomorrow.  It's late already.

So, instead, I decide on a nice wheat bread.  I get the starter going, leave it on the counter while I start a load of laundry and clean the 2nd floor.  In thirty minutes, I am ready to mix the rest of the ingredients.

Including VEGETABLE SHORTENING. Well I don't know about you, but I find vegetable shortening repulsive and disgusting.  It has no expiration date.  It stays solid even when it is 100 degrees outside.  It never changes in appearance.  I am fairly certain, if there is a nuclear war, that the only 2 things left would be cockroaches, of course, and shortening.  In fact, when I did my first triathlon, instead of buying expensive body glide, i was told to use Crisco.  I did, and ended up with the worst sunburn ever.  But I digress.

As the shortening was on the top shelf, and I am only five feet tall, I was forced to play the popular college game of "getting stuff with stuff".  My sister claims she invented this game; truth be told, we have all played it.  She just elevated it to a new level.  The premise is this:  LAZINESS.  Imagine you are laying on the couch (in her case, likely hungover) and you need your glass of water, which is just out of reach, on the table.  You immediately scan the area for any object that might be long enough for you to reach the glass of water.  This is how you find yourself using a flipflop to push the remote into the glass, which rebounds against the physics books, moving just close enough for you to get it without lifting your head.

Or, coincidentally, how you find yourself using a butcher knife to get down a 2 pound container of vegetable shortening.  obviously, I am a master at this game, as I have been short my whole life.  But I didn't take into consideration the bottle of corn syrup.  Which fell out of the cabinet.  And hit the butcher knife.  Which cut directly into my finger.  to the knuckle.

It didn't start bleeding right away.  That's the thing about Cutco knives.  They do such a great job slicing and dicing, that when they slide through your skin you don't notice.  As I looked up at my finger, it turned black.  As the blood began to pour down my arm and pool on the floor, my first thought was "crap.  I already proved the yeast.  I have to finish this loaf before I deal with this cut."

So I did what any other sane person would do.  I put a gauze pad on it, and taped it up with hockey tape.  I figured it was waterproof; the blood couldn't seep through.....

Four dressings later, the bread was finished and rising on the stove, and a friend stopped by.  Not wanting to be a martyr, I went on a three mile walk with her, only to get home in time to start driving the bus route home from school, and getting everyone where they needed to go for their after school activities. It really wasn't until the next morning when I couldn't get dressed by myself without it starting to bleed again that I thought "hm.  Maybe I ought to get this looked at".  but there was laundry and yard work and baking and cleaning to do....

So at 2 in the afternoon, I finally went to the urgent care center where, since it has been more than 8 hours since my injury, they put a gauze pad on it and taped it up. Well heck.  I should have stayed home.

And made another loaf of bread.  WITHOUT VEGETABLE SHORTENING.

Le croissant, le croissant, he he he hon hon hon....

Yes.  I did it.  I made CROISSANTS.

It took a total of six hours.  Approximately 30 minutes of work and 5 1/2 hours of sitting doing NOTHING. Well, for those of you who know me well, NOTHING meant cleaning, doing laundry and sewing curtains for the boys room, with an intermittent "beat down".  No, not of the children.  Of the dough.  Now I understand why these damn things are so expensive.  If you don' plan on being home all day, there is not a chance that you would make these!

I admit, I used Julia Child's recipe.  I figured I loved that movie, Julie and Julia, and if a large American woman could do it....well then I could too.  I now realize the movie depiction of her being incredibly bored was very accurate. 

I started out by mixing 1/4 cup warm water, 1/2 tbsp of sugar, 1/4 tsp of salt and 1 tsp of dry yeast in a bowl.  I let the yeast prove itself by letting it rest for 5 minutes until it was frothy and yummy smelling (gosh I love that smell!!!)  

I then added 2 cups of unbleached flour (it has less gluten and doesn't get rubbery if you overwork it). 3/4 tsp salt, 2 tbsp canola oil, 1 tbsp sugar and 1/2 cup of tepid milk. I poured the yeast mixture into it and set my KitchenAid on mix with the dough hook attachment. After three minutes, quite honestly, it looked like hell.  I thought "What have I done!!???" so i pulled it out and kneaded it by hand.  It immediately looked better and within three minutes I shaped it into a ball, covered it in oil, and began the two hour long wait for it to double......

I punched it down into a flat circle, as directed by Julia, then wrapped it in wax paper and put it in the fridge for 20 minutes.  I thought this "was a crock" as my mother would say, but it did make the dough easier to handle. Next I set about beating the butter.

It must be cold, and you beat it unto a 5 inch flat circle.  WARNING: THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS.  As it warms up, it sticks to everything.  I suggest using a marble cutting board that has been chilled, should you have access to one.  I ended up try to do this on wax paper (didn't work) and then on  the counter (stuck to it) so in the end, it was probably not as chilled, but spread a whole lot easier.  Which made me wonder "why did I chill it in the first place?"  but I digress.

Next, roll your dough into a 9 inch circle, then place to circle of butter on it. 

   Fold the dough like an envelope around the butter.

Now its time to start "the folding".  Roll this package into a piece of dough 15 inches long and 5 inches wide, with the seal side up.  When you have that piece, fold it like a tri-fold brochure.  Then, put it in the fridge for 20 minutes. 

REPEAT THIS FOUR TIMES!  yes, that's right.  roll for 3 minutes, sit in the fridge for 20, roll for 3 minutes, sit in the fridge for 20,roll for 3 minutes, sit in the fridge for 20.  Ridiculous.

FINALLY, cut your last 15 x 5 piece of dough into three equal pieces, and put two...you guessed it....BACK IN THE FRIDGE!!!  Take the one you have out and roll it to about 9 x 5.  Cut this piece into three equal pieces, 3 x 5, and then cut those into triangles.  You should have 6 triangles at this point.  

Starting from the wide end, roll the dough into the well known croissant form.  Well, at least it is well-known in my house.  Im not sure that is a good thing. Tuck the tip on the underside so it wont pop back open during cooking.  Put these on a well-buttered tray, and, as you might have suspected, let them rise for 1 to 2 hours until doubled. 

Once they have doubled in size, paint them with one egg, scrambled, with a tbsp of water added to it. Bake at 475 for 10-15 minutes.  WATCH THEM CLOSELY.  At 9 minutes, the tray on the bottom had burned and set off my fire alarm, prompting my daughter to say "don't worry mom, we all make mistakes.  You can try again tomorrow.  Like heck I can!  I don't have another six hours.  Looks like they are getting their croissants from SAMS CLUB.

HELEN C's"melting moments" (butter cookies extraordinaire)

Yes, it's been forever since my last entry.  I haven't simply been sitting around eating bonbons, however.  (Making them is more like it).  But with today's success, I MUST share!

What have I actually been doing?  Well, I went on a vacation with my sisters and mother, where we looked at my DREAM business in the location I have wanted since I was about 14 years old.  Convincing my non-risk taking husband is another matter.  I really hope he will come around.  It has been on the market for almost 2 years, has a residence attached to it, and is all I really ever wanted.  To own a bakery in the only place on Earth that makes me happy right now.

Anyway.  Also went on a college visit, have babysat for my goddaughter, work reading to kids and helping them with comprehension and sounding out words every day for 2 hours, volunteering at a local soup kitchen, and have set up a website for 200+ adult hockey league members.  SO, to say I have been busy is an understatement.  It's just the salary that stinks!

In any case, back to the Bakery.  When I was little, I lived in a magical town called Wheaton, that boasted the best bakery, Carney's.  Each Saturday, my friends and I would ride our bikes "up town" and buy stickers by the roll at PaperHouse, then walk to the bakery and buy 1/4 pound of butter cookies for $2. Throughout my life there are very few constants.  THESE COOKIES WERE ONE OF THEM.  When my parents would visit me at college, they'd bring me a pound.  When I went home, I made sure to eat at White Castle, get popcorn at the Popcorn shop, and buy the butter cookies.

UNTIL THEY CLOSED DUE TO RETIREMENT.

No one wanted to buy an old, run down building in the downtown area that housed a bakery.  It was bought and changed into....a Buffalo Wild Wings.  It's like spitting on my childhood dreams.  And denying me those cookies.

UNTIL TODAY.

My mother sent me this recipe,simply labeled MELTING MOMENTS.  and, in parentheses, it said "this is the recipe that you wanted.  Helen C".  Now, I don't know who this Helen C is, but I want to kiss her right now.  With my buttery lips.

The recipe was simple.....

Unfortunately I cannot vouch for the icing recipe.  My children consumed all 50+ cookies in the half hour following their exit from the oven.  When the 2nd tray came out, they burned themselves fighting over "the fresh ones".  The texture of these was absolutely AMAZING.  "Melting moments" is a perfect name, because they literally melt in your mouth.

As I was cooking dinner, the children kept popping their heads in the kitchen, disappointed in the croissants I was rolling or the four course dinner going on the stove.  "You gonna make more of those cookies?" was the only question on their minds.  Then the suggestions came rolling in.

Ya know, you should dip half in chocolate.
How about sprinkles?
Got any of those colored sugar crystals?

So my quest, apparently tomorrow, is to figure out how to make the sprinkles stick, although i think it may be a post-cooking process.

Thanks, Helen C.  Weird.....my name is Heather C......maybe we are soulmates.

Kitchen Pleasures....a pretzel recipe.....

While it was, in fact, 78 degrees outside and I really wanted to go out biking, the 20 mile an hour wind gusts prevented me from doing so.  And if I couldn't go biking, no WAY was I going to mow the lawn.  Given my refusal to participate in activities that would otherwise mess up my hair, there was only one thing left to do.

BAKE.

So, my brother in law is in love with these pretzel rolls brought to him from Milwaukee by my sister's best friend Amy.  If you followed that line of reasoning, you are likely smarter than 98% of the population.  Bottom line: Amy got him hooked.  Every time she comes to Chicago, she now has to bring my brother in law 2 or 3 bags of these delicious little delicacies.  And last time, he gave me one.  It was like crack.  I have spent countless hours, perhaps days attempting to reproduce these little gems to no avail.

UNTIL TODAY.

At approximately 12:56, I bit into the hottest, most delicious thing that has ever crossed my lips.  I am not a big sweet eater, but I can tell you my previous high weight of 260.8 was directly caused by bread products. Had I found these rolls earlier, I'm most certain I would have topped 300.

In any case, this is a simple recipe.  Easier than I thought. I used a combination of several different recipes I found on the internet, plus a few little add-ins.

Ingredients:
1 cup warm water (36.5 to 40.5 degrees C)
1 pkg active dry yeast
3 cups BREAD flour
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp kosher salt
1/4 cup baking soda
pot 'o' boiling water

1. In a small bowl, mix sugar and yeast with 1/2 cup of the warm water until dissolved.  Let it sit and puff up for 5 minutes.  This really isn't necessary.  it's just cool and smells delicious.  The kids think it's neat and it proves the yeast is still good.  So do it.

2. In a bowl. mix the flour (MAKE SURE ITS BREAD FLOUR!!!!) and the kosher salt.  No, regular salt won't work.  The grains are too big. trust me on this (um....yeah.....)

3. Once the yeast is puffy, dump it and the other 1/2 cup of water into the bowl with the flour and stir.  Honestly, I do this in my KitchenAid with my bread hook. Don't kill yourself. Once it has formed into a nice ball, pull it out and knead it on a floured surface until it is smooth.

4. Put a tbsp of oil in a glass bowl and coat the ball in oil.  Let sit until doubled, about 30-40 minutes.

5. Punch it down and immediately cut into 8 equal pieces. Roll each of those pieces into a smooth little ball and place on a parchment-paper lined cookie sheet. Cut a little "x" in the top of each one.  Let them sit for about 15 minutes or until they have doubled in size.

6.  During that 15 minutes, boil water (I didn't really measure, but about 8-10 cups Im guessing) and add 1/4 cup baking soda to it.  It will fuzz up.  Don't freak out.  It's supposed to. Preheat oven to 400.

7. Without squishing them, drop your rolls two at a time into the rolling boil and boil each side for 20-30 seconds.  Remove with a slotted spoon, let drip a second, and then place back on the parchment paper. Sprinkle the top with as much kosher salt as you'd like.

They will be a little "gooey", but they should look like this.

8.  Place the cookie sheet in a 400-degree preheated oven and bake for 10 minutes, until they are a nice dark brown.  Don't overcook or they will become chew toys for your new puppy.

9.  Take the rolls and hide them somewhere your family will never look.  Like the dryer.  Or the linen closet. Enjoy whenever you need a little break.  DO NOT SHARE with children.  They will not appreciate the deliciousness that comes from making your own bread.

My mother hides her little yummies in the top drawer of my dad's dresser.  She thinks we don't know.

HA HA HA.

Enjoy!!!

Adventures in Garage Saling.....

I HATE GARAGE SALES.

I love going to them.  Getting wierd stuff at ridiculously cheap prices.  But there are several things wrong with garage sales.

First of all, you open your entire life to strangers who pass judgement on you by what you have out. 
I love when people have enormous tables of kitchen gadgets.  But I would be lying if I didn't secretly wonder if they threw their hands up in exasperation and yelled "that's it!!! I'm DONE!!!" and are going to refuse to cook for the remainder of their years here.  Why would someone sell a whisk?  Have eggs become the enemy?  Or a pair of tongs.  Certainly there are still things that need picking up. 

Or clothes. The 86 year old grandma who has her depression glass for sale is also getting rid of the lacy black nightgown from Victoria's secret.  Or the miniskirts. And go-go boots.  Now maybe she went to a kickin' Halloween party, but I do not want to think of my elderly neighbor playing dressup.  And she is a widow.  Who is she dressing up for?  Do I want to know?  No.  Add this to the to-do list: change running route not to include neighbor's house.  DONT want to know.

Prices are ridiculous at some of these sales.
Ok, so I tend to live in what might consider an "up-scale" neighborhood.  It is the "old money" part of town. This, however, does NOT mean, dear neighbors, that your items do not depreciate in value and slower than every else's.  It may be true that your faces and bodies have not aged a bit (thanks to botox and surgery), but your toaster has.  It is NOT worth $10.  I can go to Walmart and get a brand, spanking-new toaster that is electronic and sears a Blackhawks logo in it for $10.  And then when you say, "we're been having a little trouble with it catching on fire lately, you close the deal.  Not buying it.

Or your long sleeve t-shirt that your kid got free from their high school.  Not worth $5. Or the "WINE: How classy people get drunk" sign for $10.  Or your SOCKS, for $2 a pair (really, I am not making this up). And try to negotiate with these people and they get angry with you.  PEOPLE. It's your USED JUNK.  You don't want it in your house, why would I????

Garage sales are awkward.
I think some people who have garage sales are just really lonely.  It is a way to draw in some new friends to tell your recycled stories to who haven't, in fact, heard them before.  They follow you around with a story about every item you pick up.  Show an interest in a kid's coat and you'll get to hear the tale about how Aunt Grace bought that coat for little Bethany after saving her money all summer, giving up ice cream and deodoerant so that he daughter was warm in the dead cold of winter.  And how little Bethany would sleep in the coat because she loved it so much.  If you have stories and can't part with it, DON'T PUT IT OUT.  I am buying it for my cat to sleep on, ok?

And then there is the "sneak".  You garage-salers know what I am talking about.  When you get to the sale, and they have 50 million things, not one of which you 'need', and you are forced to seek and exit, whether it is actually through a rhodedenron bush or over a six foot privacy fence. You shirk away from the owner, knowing she is going to give you the biggest smile and say "thank you", when, in fact, she is cursing you and calling you a snob inside your head.  Run, don't walk, RUN.  The water from the sprinkler you fled through will dry by the time you get to the next sale.


SO, knowing this, I had a garage sale.  Remember, I was in "clean the house for the first time in 10 years" mode?  I had everything on the driveway.  Of course I will say it was "good stuff". Because it was mine.  But I know better.  Only a certain kind of person is going to want a cake pan in the shape of Pooh Bear. Or several model rockets. Or the dress I wore for my senior pictures (yellow, sailor dress from Laura Ashley.  Yes, I still had it).  So I did the only honest thing. 

I 'fessed up.  I had saved all my garden work for the weekend of my sale so I had soemthing to do and there was no pressure.  And I admitted that I just wanted it out. And I priced it to sell.  Everything was $2 or less.

When people approached, I told them this wasn't really a garage sale, but I was "gardening with all my stuff out".  If they happened to see something that they needed, it was priced to sell, but that everything was negotiable.  Buy a lot of stuff and I'll probably cut you a deal. And I did. 

At the end of the sale, another at-home mom (of three girls, ages 1,3 and 5) asked "is it true that after three, all the clothes I can fit in a plastic grocery bag is $1?  I said "yep".  She proceeded to stuff five bags full of clothes, even though some of them were going to be big on her girls for a couple of years.  She was so excited that I added a bonus...with five bags of clothes purchased, she got a free Little Mermaid bike. Another big item out of my garage.  I have never beenso happy.

Because more than half of my crap was GONE.

At 5pm Saturday, my husband opened the back latch of the Suburban and everything left went to Goodwill, itemized for tax purposes.  The leftover books went to Half-Price books where I got the whopping SEVEN DOLLARS.

Which I then spent on a new book.  That will, eventually, end up, in my next garage sale :)

Improve your home, improve the world :)

I got a call from my best friend from KINDERGARTEN last week.  She couldn't believe that I was an at-home mom and asked "how are you adjusting"?  I hadn't really thought about it. I thought of her story: she went to college, then law school, then got married, and moved.  TO GERMANY.

She was thrown into a culture she didn't know, speaking a language that she didn't understand.  I remember one of her early posts was about how she broke down crying in the grocery store because she couldn't explain that she wanted to buy a pound of ham.  On top of that, her husband, a doctor, didn't expect her to work- and it wasn't easy to figure out her expectations as a wife, and eventually a mother.

"I'm sure you feel useless", she said, "it's wierd having to rely on someone else for money".  I hadn't really thought about that, even as my own checking account began to dwindle.  I've made some good investments which I can pull from if needed, but it's true.  Suddenly, I am not bringing in money to the family.  What am I really worth?

But then it dawned on me.  Yesterday.  While biking.  For the first time since I was 16 years old, I didn't have a job.  I didn't have to life by someone else's schedule.  DIdn't have to answer to anyone else.  I could go ride my bike for 3 hours and no one would comment about "wasting time".  It's the first time in my life I have done something EXCLUSIVELY FOR ME.

And what are the results of my unemployment?  Well, my daughter, who has had issues with depression and anxiety for years, has dramatically improved when she has a mom who is home and wraps her arms around her and tells her everything is going to be okay.  Who makes her lunch at 11:15 everyday and sits down and chats with her about how her day is going.  My shy daughter has gotten a job and has gained confidence in herself.

My children have a safe haven where their friends are not only welcome, but would prefer to be.  The other night, one of my son's friends, who wants for nothing, was eating dinner at our house and said "I love your house.  I wish I lived here."  I'm not sure there is a better compliment. I told her she felt that way because there was always something going on and someone to play with....not the case at her house.  Of course then my son piped up and said "I like your house bettter.  because it's QUIET"!!! The grass is always greener.

But honestly.  I am a better person. I love my kids more without the distractions that I had while I was working.  I have more time to clean the house the way I want it done and don't have to yell at the kids to hurry to do it on weekends. I make lunches and dinners.  The kids are eating healthier, and their sleeping schedules are set.  They are happier and seem to get along better.  My husband's self confidence, being the "provider", has skyrocketed.  My son who had been previously identified by the school district as "overweight" has lost 4 pounds between diet and exercise in 4 weeks.  My other son ,who struggles in reading has shown improvement already this year.

On 9/11 when we are looking at "what difference we can make", the most important difference we can make is in our own home. 

Father knows Best

Well....maybe about electrical outlets and things like septic systems and cleanng up water in the basement after the window wells fill up during one of the ridiculous storms we've had this summer. Not a drop of rain the entire month of June, then a downpour which floods everything and sends the storm sewers overflowing the streets. Thank God we have a dry-vac.  But anyway.

I am apparently spending too much on groceries.

This was the allegation I was charged with early last week. Regardless of how you feel about corporations, I shop at Walmart.  Ok, hate me now.  Tell me about workers who don't get overtime and are not privy to health care benefits.  I'm sorry that I am not big hearted.  I am unemployed.  I care about the price of eggs and the fact that I can get cat food, paint and a good corn beef roast under one roof.  Not to mention it is next door to Sam's, where I can save 6 cents a gallon on gas.  I drive a suburban.  I'd house known terrorists if it meant saving a quarter on gas.

"You don't use coupons.  You don't comparison shop." 

So, on a beautiful Saturday, I found myself asking my husband if he wanted to join me grocery shopping.  Mind you, we have a two week meal cycle, with input from the children, so we know what we will be purchasing.  Everyone eats home lunch, and I cook breakfast every morning. So our meals are all made with that special ingredient, love. He looks over the list of what we need, and then begins to plan our route.

"We'll get meat at Fareway, they have the best prices".  I glance at the advertisement.....and see that their 85/15 ground beef if 50 cents more than the HyVee, which has it on special for $1.99/pound. But, there is a limit of 6.  He can buy 6, I'll buy 6.  We scratch Fareway from the list.  He used to work there in high school, so he thinks it is the end all and be all of grocery stores.  What he doesn't realize is that they have a very limited range of items.

So we start at the classic generic store, Aldi.  As we approach, I pull out a quarter.  For the cart.  That's right; you have to pay for the cart.  Don't worry, you get it back when you return the cart. As we roam through the store, he realizes that the size of the store and variety of the products does not allow for one-stop shopping. We cross out 18 of our items.  $35.

Now we head to his next "cheapie" store, Sav-A-Lot.  This is a little more brand conscious, but again, their product line is limited.  They had great deals on some things- like A1 steak sauce- and soon I had a purse full of the coupons they were giving away for A1.  I am not certain a family could eat as much A1 steak sauce as he purchased. Another $25 down and 16 items off the list.

Finally we went to Walmart, where, in 40 minutes, I whipped through the store and got everything else on my list in record time and the exact brands I wanted.  I also brought along the HyVee flyer so that I could get the 99 cent per pound grapes as opposed to the $1.99 they were charging. After going through the line and ringing up an additional $180 in groceries, I handed the clerk the advertisement- and she matched all the prices in the circular.

"What's that?" he asked.

"That's what I do", I stated, "I bring all the ads and I have them match the prices so that I get the lowest prices."  THAT WAY I DONT HAVE TO DRIVE FROM STORE TO STORE.  After spending nearly three hours driving around to get the best prices, my husband finally realized that I was not overspending on groceries, but instead, was pretty darn frugal with the food budget. Again, no hating here about Walmart.  Im sorry.  We're on a budget.  I'd like to say I am more politically saavy and shop locally at the farmer's market, but I am here to save a few bucks.

$250 for two weeks of groceries for six people.  That comes down to $17.85 a day. $3 a person per day!  ONE DOLLAR A MEAL! Ok, ok.  So breakfast is significantly less than the other two, but I think I am doing a pretty decent job keeping the budget low.  No, we are not eating cereal every meal, but I make enough for dinner so there are leftovers for lunch.  My kids' friends are a little jealous of the tacos and meatball sandwiches they get in their lunchboxes...especially on the homemade frenchbread.

My daughter came home from high school today for lunch.  I asked what she was doing home and she said "tonight it spaghetti night.  So I knew you'd have bread made by noon.  Why would I stay at school and eat there when I can come home to a sandwich on fresh bread, green peppers from the garden, and brownies you made last night?"

Healthier food.  Less money. Happier kids.

This is a win-win situation. 

Ugly but Delicious- A bagel recipe

No, this isn't what people say about me.  Well, maybe they do, but that's a little wierd.  My son kissed my shoulder today after I had biked 20 miles with him and ran an additional three and said "you taste salty, Mom".  Like I said, a little wierd.

So today I lost my cookie press.  I am sure that I had one.  I bought it at Bed, Bath and Beyond.  I think it must have been under the "beyond" section because I can't imagine using a cookie press in bed or in the bathroom.  In fact, it seems rather gross.  But what was even worse was where I found me cookie press.  It was in my husband's workshop.  Apparently, my kids thought it was a caulking gun and put it there.  Worse yet, there was caulk on it.  So.  Looks like I will be getting a new cookie press tomorrow.  But not until after I make the butter cookies I already mixed up tonight. 

In any case. You might be asking yourself "what is ugly but delicious?" well, the answer, my friends, is bagels.

I am struggling with this bagel recipe.  They are so incredibly good, but I just can't get them to look pretty. Try them yourself, they are fantastic, and rather easy to make.  But I hope yours are prettier than mine....

2 1/2 tsp active dry yeast
1 1/2 tsp sugar
1 1/2 cups of warm water
3 1/2 cups bread flour
1 tsp salt

Yeah, I know, right?  Seems too easy?!  How does Bruegger's get away with charging $1.50 for these simple rolls?  I don't know, because once you make them, you will never buy them again.

1.  Put the sugar and yeast in a bowl.  Pour 1/2 cup of warm water, stir until dissolved.  Leave alone for five minutes. 

2. Put flour and salt into your mixer with the dough hook on.  Mix. Slowly add the yeast mixture in and set mixer on "stir".

3. Pour 1/2 cup of warm water in.  When that is mixed in, add the remaining 1/2 cup.  Mix until it is a firm, stiff dough.  If it is still sticky, add a little more flour.

4. knead the dough for about 10 minutes, whether by hand or in your mixer. oil a bowl and turn your dough in it until coated.  let it sit for about an hour or until it has doubled in size.

5. Punch your dough down, let it rest for about 10 minutes.

6. Divide dough into 12 pieces.  You can cut it into 8 if you want the big, bakery style bagels, but I have little kids and find they are just too big.  12 is perfect. rolls them into neat little balls as smoothly as possible.

7. stick your finger through the middle and stretch the hols to about an inch.  try not to destroy the rest of the dough ball (see "ugly, but delicous" above),  set them aside on a cookie sheet and let them rise for about 10 minutes. 

8.  In the meantime, boil water on your stove (I throw a little sea salt in it.....some recipes say to put a cut up potato in it to get additional starch, but I have found this to not be detrimental in any way, nor have any type of effect I can figure out) and preheat your oven to 425.

9.  Set your bagels in the boiling water for 1 minute on each side, then pull out with a slotted spoon and set on a slightly greased cookie sheet. Bake for 18-20 minutes until brown.

10.  It should be pointed out that if you are making bagels to use for sandwiches, I have had success rolling the whole mass of dough into a "loaf" shape, then cut flat sections off, putting a hole in the middle.  This makes a flatter bagel, but wider, and is more "sandwich-like".  My kids like it better, too.


In any case, my bagels are ugly.  I don't know why.  And as far as the butter cookies go....well, the kids ate all the dough.....while I was searching for the cookie press......

At least the bagels are delicious.

The new "normal"

A new "normal" has taken over.  It's called "exhausted".  How the hell did I work full time and keep this house running?  Well, I didn't, as evidenced by the unearthing of a broken (shattered, really) fishtank we haven't used in 8 years, but for some reason was keeping 'just in case' in the kid's bathroom.

???????????????

Yeah.

At 5:45 each morning I am awakened by my 13 year old's phone alarm going off.  No, he is not sleeping in my bed, but he sets the volume one level shy of "air raid bomb alert" or else he sleeps through it.  This forces me to get up and shut it off.  So instead, I go to his room at 5:46 and peel him off the ceiling, THEN turn off his alarm.  He gets dressed and heads downstairs for breakfast.  Usually I get a text, at about 5:55, asking me to "please come downstairs and make breakfast".  Really?  How hard get ripping open the NutraGrain bar really be?  I oblige, and usually end up making some steak-egg-potato burrito thing that he immediately tells me "doesn't taste like McDonalds".  Yep.  I'm lovin it.

At 6, the new driver rolls out of bed.  And I mean rolls.  She generally drops everything she picks up at least once, waking her sister before finally making it into the shower.  She generally leaves the door open, so the rest of the house can enjoy the sound of the shower and the song-stylings of Japanese pop songs, which sound eerily like the cat has gotten trapped in the laundry chute (again). She dons an interesting tshirt....Zelda..."talk nerdy to me"...."will work for books"....and skinny jeans and black boots.  (Interesting thing about skinny jeans....I'm not skinny, but they make them in my size.  Should I be happy or sad about this???)  Luckily, she gets her own breakfast and heads to school in the mini-van. Maybe I can go back to bed.

No such luck. At 7, the husband rolls over and says "is there coffee this morning?  And maybe one of those steak-egg-potato things?" and I'm up again.  After feeding the beast, I hop in the oversized gas guzzler and begin "the route".  One 8th grader is already waiting in my kitchen.  I pick up another, as well as a 9th grader, and head to the high school.  Drop off the 9th grader, pick up 3 more 8th graders, including my own, and drive them to middle school.  Oh- and grab the football coach's 6th grader as well...so....that's seven kids in the car.  thank God they all take showers after weight lifting at 630 in the morning, or the car would smell HORRID.  Oh wait, that's later after FOOTBALL practice....

After dropping them off, I get home at 8, just in time for the 6 and 10 year old to roll out of bed and ask "what's for breakfast" and more importantly "whats for lunch"?  The ten year old only eats chicken wraps, so the answer is the same.  I make him a chicken wrap for breakfast (chicken, lettuce, ranch dressing) and another for lunch.  throw in some sunchips, grapes and a CapriSun and *POOF* done. 

The six year old is a little pickier.  Bologna (NOT boloney!!) thick cut on wheat bread with the crusts cut off. Eight grapes.  ("we only have 15 minutes to eat, mom.  I can't eat more than 8") a cheese stick and her waterbottle with 12 ice cubes and no water. ("otherwise they melt") . Phew.  Done.

We ride the three quarters of a mile to school on our bikes and are welcomed by all the other haggard moms and dads who have just performed this routine at their own homes.  We talk about what we're going to do today...my own list includes de-cluttering my bedroom and the master bath, a job which hasn't been done since we moved in 12 years ago....mowing the lawn....baking french bread (recipe to follow tomorrow) because the kids are spoiled and it's spaghetti night.....and doing laundry (hung on the clothesline outside for maximum happiness)....

or maybe I'll just take a NAP.

A day at the DMV...much like a "Night at the Museum"...

We bought a scooter.

It would be more accurate to say it was given to us.  Our wonderful neighbors who live behind us no longer had use for it, as their two children are off in college and it apparently was taking up a lot of space in their garage.  I personally think they just got sick of listening to my teenage (and driving) daughter complain about having to drive the mini-van.  In any case, we became the owners of an adorable blue scooter.

And then the arguments began.  My 13 year old son believes this was a gift sent to him by God himself.  He is, after all, going to be 14 in January- the legal age to drive a scooter.  He has researched the class- $155 at the local community college- and found his insurance to be $151 a year for liability.  (He 'decided' liability was ok after being informed total coverage was $545 a year.) But he practices.  In the driveway. And on the lawn.  He isn't allowed on the street, but generally will test drive the scooter through the vegetable garden and around the hostas until his father yells at him to get off and do something productive.  At which point he retreats to the basement for a rousing game of Halo or MW2.

But the real problem is dad.  He has driven the scooter to work every day since we got it. He loves the thing.  It tops out at 40, but he figures "who cares" as the speed limit on roads to work is 35.  The helmet is too small for his enormous head, so he goes without. This worries me. And the daughter, who I think the scooter was 'given' to in the first place, wants nothing to do with it.  "How can I carry my French Horn, mom? DUH." And off she goes in the minivan.

Which leads me to the DMV.  It's $7 to get a scooter/moped license.  Cool.  The neighbor comes over, we do all the paperwork, blah blah blah, and now it's my turn to get everything turned in and get some plates so my husband doesn't get pulled over.  The "in transit" sign will probably only work ONCE at most. So, on my BIRTHDAY, I head off to the DMV.

Apparently 10:30 is lunchtime.  Or they just have a continuous breaktime.  Of the sixteen stations, FOUR were open.  Yes,  FOUR.  That's one-fourth for you non-math majors out there.  I pull ticket T64.  I look up to see that we are on T41.  But wait.  The "T" stands for title.  There are also "R" and "M" letters, none of which I can figure out.  There isn't one M lady or one R guy- they seem to randomly call out letters and numbers.  I sit there, with about 30 other people, waiting for someone to yell bingo.

No need to wait for yelling.  PJ Johnson, attorney at law, has entered the waiting area.  He is about 50, wearing dress pants and plaid dress shirt and BLACK BIKER BOOTS. Yes, the ones with buckles and rings.  And not worn in.  More like "I'm playing dress ups for my goth daughter's closet".  You might wonder how I know his name?  It's because he is talking in the loudest possible voice- on his bluetooth headset.  "Mr. Stevenson? (ha ha ha) Perhaps you should introduce yourself to your secretary because she didn't seem to know you when I asked to speak to you! (laughs again) I'm going to need another $2000 towards your retainer if I'm going to get you off on that drug charge". I am going to write this guy's name down so I never call him if me or any other human needs a lawyer.  Now that the entire room knows that Mr. Stevenson was caught with 20g of cocaine, they are all interested in the soap opera playing out on the phone. Don't people have better things to do on a Monday morning?

There are at least 3 pregnant women, all accompanied by their mothers and toting at least one other preschool child.  An older lady recognizes a friend across the room and trips over a purse on her way to chat, landing face down in the beautifully marbled hall.  Thank God it wasn't 2 feet further or she would have gone down the stair face first.  That would be where a couple is fighting, every other word peppered with obscenities, forcing the grandmas in the room to cover the toddler's ears so they don't get an education in unacceptable vocabulary at such an early age.

I play another round of Scrabble with my online friends.  Finally my number is called.  I feel like I have won the jackpot.  I hand her the Title, the bill of sale, and sit back and wait, checkbook in hand. 

"Let me talk to my supervisor, before I send you away", she quips. 

After two minutes she comes back with a highlighter.  "Since you and your husband are listed as the owners, BOTH of you need to sign it.  If you had put the word 'or' down instead of the plus sign, I could do this today. Sorry."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  An hour and a half of hell ON MY BIRTHDAY?  And the best you can do is come back tomorrow with ONE signature?????" I am irrate.

"Oh", she says, "and there are $15 in penalties on it now, because it's late, too". 

Can't win.

Spoiled rotten: A cinnamon roll recipe

"WHAT IS THIS???"

These words were thrust across the room at me as I washed dishes the other morning, like daggers slicing my heart. Ok, so I 'cheated'.  Yep.  I admit it.  Me and Betty Crocker tried to bake someone happy.  It was unsuccessful. 

Since being home, I have begun to dabble in the fine art of baking.  I have always enjoyed baking....to the point where people have said "you really should open a bakery or cater".  I do make the world's best potato salad (no joke here) and make a killer pulled pork, even though I hate touching it with my fingers.  I'm not sure why I have issues with food on my hands.  I can sit in the garden covered in mud for hours at a time, but the thought of BBQ sauce under my nails makes me squeemish.  Whatever.

SO......I started with French Bread.  I have gotten so good at making it that I can whip up several loaves at a time.  Which is good because they will eat the loaves I make as fast as I make them.  But then there are the cinnamon rolls. I don't even LIKE cinnamon rolls, and these are amazing. And, I'm gonna share them. 

They only take an HOUR to make.

Bring 3/4 cup of milk to a boil.  Turn off heat, set 1/4 cup of butter (NOT margarine) in the milk until it is fully melted.  Mix and let it cool.

In your Kitchaid, using the dough hook, mix a package of fast-rising yeast, 3 1/2 cups of flour, 1/4 cup of sugar and 1/2 tsp of salt.  Add an egg, 1/4 cup of water, and the milk/butter mixture and set your Kitchaid to the "stir" setting for 5 minutes.

Let dough rest for 10 minutes.  This is a good time to make the filling, consisting of 1/2 cup of softened butter, 1 cup of brown sugar and a tablespoon of cinnamon.  DO NOT USE MARGARINE.  It will get too soft and make a MESS. Preheat your oven to 375.

Roll your dough into a 12 x 18 rectangle.  Spread the filling on it.  it should look like this:

Roll dough from one end and pinch the seam to seal it. 

Cut into 12 pieces (its always easiest to cut in half, then half, then thirds. At least for me) and place in a greased 9x 13 glass dish. I'm sure a regular pan would be sufficient, but heck, it's all about presentation.

Bake for 20 minutes or until browned.  While you are waiting, and DYING because the house smells so good, make the frosting.....I use 4 ounces of whipped cream cheese (it mixes easier) with a cup of powdered sugar and 1/2 tsp vanilla.  If you need a little more powdered sugar because it's too watery, ok.  When you add too much and it's dry, add a little milk. Not a big deal.

At this point the other household members will begin to appear, impressed with your incredible abilities as a chef.  Just smile and accept their kudos.  In a grand display, throw open the oven and pull of the tray of delicacies created just for them and say "made with my special ingredient, LOVE".  Yes, it's corny, but I dont care. I say it every time I bake, even if no one is around.

Ice the rolls and set them on the table.

You may even put them on a plate for a beautiful presentation.  But this is going a little overboard.

Enjoy.  And know, however, that the Pillsbury Doughboy version will NEVER make the grade again in your house.

On to my next adventure.....

My first day of Unemployment (Independence Day)

Today is the first day of Teacher Institute Days...therefore, it is technically my first day of unemployment. I don't feel bad, really.  I can honestly say that it is the first time in five years that I have not felt sick about "back to school". 

After sixteen years as a Nationally Board Certified Teacher, I decided  not to go back to teaching.  A very beloved student of mine had passed away in a horrific accident and, after seeing his father at the funeral, realized that I was not spending time with the people most important to me: my family.  I could tell you each of my students' grades and life stories, yet had never been to my own son's track meet.  After much debate with my husband, I decided I needed a new job.

As luck would have it, the position I wanted opened up the following weekend.  I applied, contacted my references, who were more than happy to put in a good word from me, and had already heard from the person in charge of hiring.  Everything was a go.

Then tragedy struck.  But that story will have to follow in November.  Details later. I promise.

In any case, I find myself unemployed, and currently unable to really search for a job.  As a person who has been employed since I was sixteen, this is a difficult transition.  There are days I feel like the entire world is open to me- the opportunities endless.  I can start a business.  I can tutor. I can go back to school.  I can finally redecorate the rooms in my house I don't like. I can de-tox my house of the things we have that we don't use or need.  There is so much I want to do that is in front of me.

Other days I feel hopeless.  It's usually on a day where one of my so-called "friends" decides that it's perfectly acceptable to yell obscenities at me, or call me names in public.  Or when my former employer decides it's okay to harass me and talk about me behind my back. These days I feel like a failure.  Isolated.  Undefined.  What exactly DO I DO? 

So I am going to try something new every day of my "unemployment".  This might be baking (I'm getting quite good at that), cleaning (maybe I'll post what I find in the event one of you can use it), tips on laundry or gardening, or perhaps a recommendation of a good book I've read. Not sure where the day will take me. 

So come along, as I navigate this road less traveled. At least by me.