I HATE GARAGE SALES.
I love going to them. Getting wierd stuff at ridiculously cheap prices. But there are several things wrong with garage sales.
First of all, you open your entire life to strangers who pass judgement on you by what you have out.
I love when people have enormous tables of kitchen gadgets. But I would be lying if I didn't secretly wonder if they threw their hands up in exasperation and yelled "that's it!!! I'm DONE!!!" and are going to refuse to cook for the remainder of their years here. Why would someone sell a whisk? Have eggs become the enemy? Or a pair of tongs. Certainly there are still things that need picking up.
Or clothes. The 86 year old grandma who has her depression glass for sale is also getting rid of the lacy black nightgown from Victoria's secret. Or the miniskirts. And go-go boots. Now maybe she went to a kickin' Halloween party, but I do not want to think of my elderly neighbor playing dressup. And she is a widow. Who is she dressing up for? Do I want to know? No. Add this to the to-do list: change running route not to include neighbor's house. DONT want to know.
Prices are ridiculous at some of these sales.
Ok, so I tend to live in what might consider an "up-scale" neighborhood. It is the "old money" part of town. This, however, does NOT mean, dear neighbors, that your items do not depreciate in value and slower than every else's. It may be true that your faces and bodies have not aged a bit (thanks to botox and surgery), but your toaster has. It is NOT worth $10. I can go to Walmart and get a brand, spanking-new toaster that is electronic and sears a Blackhawks logo in it for $10. And then when you say, "we're been having a little trouble with it catching on fire lately, you close the deal. Not buying it.
Or your long sleeve t-shirt that your kid got free from their high school. Not worth $5. Or the "WINE: How classy people get drunk" sign for $10. Or your SOCKS, for $2 a pair (really, I am not making this up). And try to negotiate with these people and they get angry with you. PEOPLE. It's your USED JUNK. You don't want it in your house, why would I????
Garage sales are awkward.
I think some people who have garage sales are just really lonely. It is a way to draw in some new friends to tell your recycled stories to who haven't, in fact, heard them before. They follow you around with a story about every item you pick up. Show an interest in a kid's coat and you'll get to hear the tale about how Aunt Grace bought that coat for little Bethany after saving her money all summer, giving up ice cream and deodoerant so that he daughter was warm in the dead cold of winter. And how little Bethany would sleep in the coat because she loved it so much. If you have stories and can't part with it, DON'T PUT IT OUT. I am buying it for my cat to sleep on, ok?
And then there is the "sneak". You garage-salers know what I am talking about. When you get to the sale, and they have 50 million things, not one of which you 'need', and you are forced to seek and exit, whether it is actually through a rhodedenron bush or over a six foot privacy fence. You shirk away from the owner, knowing she is going to give you the biggest smile and say "thank you", when, in fact, she is cursing you and calling you a snob inside your head. Run, don't walk, RUN. The water from the sprinkler you fled through will dry by the time you get to the next sale.
SO, knowing this, I had a garage sale. Remember, I was in "clean the house for the first time in 10 years" mode? I had everything on the driveway. Of course I will say it was "good stuff". Because it was mine. But I know better. Only a certain kind of person is going to want a cake pan in the shape of Pooh Bear. Or several model rockets. Or the dress I wore for my senior pictures (yellow, sailor dress from Laura Ashley. Yes, I still had it). So I did the only honest thing.
I 'fessed up. I had saved all my garden work for the weekend of my sale so I had soemthing to do and there was no pressure. And I admitted that I just wanted it out. And I priced it to sell. Everything was $2 or less.
When people approached, I told them this wasn't really a garage sale, but I was "gardening with all my stuff out". If they happened to see something that they needed, it was priced to sell, but that everything was negotiable. Buy a lot of stuff and I'll probably cut you a deal. And I did.
At the end of the sale, another at-home mom (of three girls, ages 1,3 and 5) asked "is it true that after three, all the clothes I can fit in a plastic grocery bag is $1? I said "yep". She proceeded to stuff five bags full of clothes, even though some of them were going to be big on her girls for a couple of years. She was so excited that I added a bonus...with five bags of clothes purchased, she got a free Little Mermaid bike. Another big item out of my garage. I have never beenso happy.
Because more than half of my crap was GONE.
At 5pm Saturday, my husband opened the back latch of the Suburban and everything left went to Goodwill, itemized for tax purposes. The leftover books went to Half-Price books where I got the whopping SEVEN DOLLARS.
Which I then spent on a new book. That will, eventually, end up, in my next garage sale :)
No comments:
Post a Comment