I got a call from my best friend from KINDERGARTEN last week. She couldn't believe that I was an at-home mom and asked "how are you adjusting"? I hadn't really thought about it. I thought of her story: she went to college, then law school, then got married, and moved. TO GERMANY.
She was thrown into a culture she didn't know, speaking a language that she didn't understand. I remember one of her early posts was about how she broke down crying in the grocery store because she couldn't explain that she wanted to buy a pound of ham. On top of that, her husband, a doctor, didn't expect her to work- and it wasn't easy to figure out her expectations as a wife, and eventually a mother.
"I'm sure you feel useless", she said, "it's wierd having to rely on someone else for money". I hadn't really thought about that, even as my own checking account began to dwindle. I've made some good investments which I can pull from if needed, but it's true. Suddenly, I am not bringing in money to the family. What am I really worth?
But then it dawned on me. Yesterday. While biking. For the first time since I was 16 years old, I didn't have a job. I didn't have to life by someone else's schedule. DIdn't have to answer to anyone else. I could go ride my bike for 3 hours and no one would comment about "wasting time". It's the first time in my life I have done something EXCLUSIVELY FOR ME.
And what are the results of my unemployment? Well, my daughter, who has had issues with depression and anxiety for years, has dramatically improved when she has a mom who is home and wraps her arms around her and tells her everything is going to be okay. Who makes her lunch at 11:15 everyday and sits down and chats with her about how her day is going. My shy daughter has gotten a job and has gained confidence in herself.
My children have a safe haven where their friends are not only welcome, but would prefer to be. The other night, one of my son's friends, who wants for nothing, was eating dinner at our house and said "I love your house. I wish I lived here." I'm not sure there is a better compliment. I told her she felt that way because there was always something going on and someone to play with....not the case at her house. Of course then my son piped up and said "I like your house bettter. because it's QUIET"!!! The grass is always greener.
But honestly. I am a better person. I love my kids more without the distractions that I had while I was working. I have more time to clean the house the way I want it done and don't have to yell at the kids to hurry to do it on weekends. I make lunches and dinners. The kids are eating healthier, and their sleeping schedules are set. They are happier and seem to get along better. My husband's self confidence, being the "provider", has skyrocketed. My son who had been previously identified by the school district as "overweight" has lost 4 pounds between diet and exercise in 4 weeks. My other son ,who struggles in reading has shown improvement already this year.
On 9/11 when we are looking at "what difference we can make", the most important difference we can make is in our own home.
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